Gary Johnson, erstwhile New Mexico governor and present Libertarian nominee for president, has some baggage he can't get rid of even with a record as governor that included cutting spending, cutting government jobs, and cutting taxes. It's the pot. Johnson admits to using pot after injuring his back, and once you admit to using pot, it's like copping to having sex: the media just can't focus on anything else.
People smoke weed. People fuck. It's not goddamned earth-shattering news. Hell, it's not even news. I would like to go on record and say that I smoked pot in my twenties. I smoked a lot of it. I enjoyed it. I inhaled every last fucking chance I got. I smoked weed in my house in Nashville, I smoked with my editor at her house in Nashville, I smoked weed in parking lots, with girlfriends, I even smoked fucking weed in a Unitarian Universalist church once.
I smoked weed until I was 29 years old. I grew out of it. Would I smoke weed again? Sure, if I weren't in law school and complying with a promise to abide by the law. If I had to choose which substance my kid would use in high school, between cigarettes, alcohol, or weed, I would fucking choose weed. Without hesitation. I wouldn't be happy about my teenager smoking it, and I'd bust their ass because that's what a parent is supposed to do when they catch their child engaged in illegal behavior or conduct beyond their years, but I wouldn't worry about it as much as beer or whiskey.
One of my good buddies in high school was a raging alcoholic even before we graduated. He drank and drank and drank. He's a year sober now. That's how fucked up alcohol can make you: it's a momentous occasion when you go a year without drinking any. I don't recall getting any medallions after a year had elapsed from the time I last smoked weed. I didn't sit in a church basement crying to total strangers and regurgitating psycho-babble bullshit about how I was a weed addict. I never got a DWI while I was smoking weed or after smoking weed.
I sat on my goddamned couch and listened to Miles Davis albums. In A Silent Way is my favorite Miles album high or sober, but when I was high, it was even better.
People in the media need to grow the fuck up. It is not news when a public figure smokes pot. It's like taking a shit, brushing your teeth, or eating a hot dog. Nobody gets all pissy when I fire up a Camel Wide, even though hundreds of thousands of people a year get cancer or die from emphysema. When I sit down and drink an entire fifth of Old Forester over the course of an afternoon and into the early morning hours with my pipe, it's no big fucking deal. I'm a grown ass man, and I pay my own bills. I sit on my couch with my dogs, write, and I walk outside to smoke my pipe because my lease says so and because I'm not into blowing tobacco smoke in my dogs' faces.
It's my fucking choice. You know, we have those in a free society. As for those of you who will say that my choice affects others because of healthcare costs, I didn't fucking make the decision to back medical costs with insurance. The government did with its regulations. I have to have fucking healthcare, and I don't mind fucking paying a little more because of my personal choices. However, it isn't set up like that. Again, not my fucking choice.
I'd wager that as a former pot smoker, I was more motivated and driven than anyone reading this shit. I worked out six times a week. I had virtually no sugar intake beyond beer. I ate tunafish without mayonnaise. I prepared boneless, skinless chicken breasts with low sodium recipes. I was in great fucking shape, even as a guy who drank and smoked pot. When my car's engine blew up, I bought a bike and rode 28 miles a day to and from work, and that's a 56 mile round trip. I showered at the Gold's Gym next to the store I worked at. I didn't fucking die from the experience. I've biked 110 miles non-stop before, and it was while I smoked pot.
I did pushups in my living room when I couldn't sleep, and I had a pair of 30 lb dumbbells. All of this talk about how shiftless pot smokers are doesn't wash with me, because everyone I smoked pot with had a job and a career. I smoked with executives, I smoked with a guy who owned his own consulting business for fundraisers, and I smoked with people who owned their own goddamned businesses. I smoked pot with a guy who owned sixteen hotels.
Are there dumbasses who smoke pot? Absolutely. There are far more idiots in the ranks of drinkers and smokers. I would rather sit down and have a conversation with someone who smokes pot than someone who drinks to excess.
Gary Johnson talked about drug legalization because drug legalization is important. We incarcerate a half a million people in this country because of drugs. We pay billions of dollars to do so, and for what? So they can be imprisoned in a rape factory for ingesting, possessing, or selling a substance?! Not even a substance that does as much harm to its users as we know tobacco and alcohol do.
No one I've ever talked to laments how their buddy overdosed on pot. You don't hear someone say, "Man, I wish Chuck were still here, but that goddamned pot just ate him alive until there wasn't anything left." How many people die from cancer exclusively from smoking pot? You have a higher chance of getting cancer from the beauty products you use on a daily basis than you do from smoking a fucking joint.
Our drug policies are a goddamned joke. Our last three presidents would have gone to jail under those laws had they been caught as regular guys without political connections to bail them out. They stand as living proof that drugs don't ruin lives. You can be president after smoking pot, snorting cocaine, and fucking everything that moves.
The worst part is that everyone with experience knows that drugs aren't that bad. I had my constitutional law professor stand up in front the class and recount how one of his former clients used heroin and, wait for it, actually fucking functioned. All the stuff you see on television about people falling backwards with a single tear running down their cheek after shooting up is bullshit. I know bankers and traders who've used heroin. They aren't junkies.
I also know people who are junkies, and the difference between those people and the career types who use drugs is that the junkies are already maladjusted individuals when they start using drugs. Drugs don't change shit. They simply magnify what's already there. All of these parents who want to cry and rage about how their baby changed when that demon weed or that meth got ahold them are fucking idiots. Your baby was likely a narcissistic, disobedient, rebellious, jackass of a child and you mythologized them afterwards because you didn't want to face the fact that you raised a goddamned sociopath. Your kid was a fucking jerk, and you refused to face facts and crack a whip before they got into drugs. You were a shit parent, you indulged a bad seed, and now you want to cry about it and blame anyone or anything besides yourself.
What I hate more than anything about the dialogue on drugs in this country is how it erodes personal responsibility and accountability. If someone eats a homeless man's face, everyone is in shock. If you say, "Oh, he was high on bath salts or weed!" everyone nods with that snide fucking look of understanding as though his being high explains everything. No, it fucking doesn't. I smoke a ton of weed, and I did plenty of other drugs as well, and I never ate anyone's face. I didn't fucking attack anyone while I was high or because I was high. You know why? Because I knew I was responsible for my choices and my decisions. Eating someone's face is wrong. Beating someone up for no reason is wrong, and even with a reason, most of the time it's still legally fucking wrong. There are tons of times I had good reason to beat someone's head and ass in, but I didn't because doing so would have still been illegal.
I took responsibility, I exercised fucking control, and I made a decision to comply with the fucking law where it related to violent behavior. Shut the fuck up about how drugs made him or her do it. They didn't. These people are fucking assholes beforehand, viruses with no regard for basic human decency or restraint, and they certainly don't feel any obligation to exercise self-control. Fuck them. The fact that they were high or drunk while they attacked somebody is irrelevant. It's called responsibility and accountability for one's own actions.
Despite the fact that I hate prohibitionists and the silly logic they use in arguments over drug policy, I have never once reached across a table to bitch slap a single person for their positions on drug policy. Did I want to at certain points? Yes I did. Again, I have a respect for something deeper than the law, something called moral restraint that says you don't always get what you deserve. Violence is something you deploy in self-defense or defense of others who can't defend themselves. It isn't a means of resolving an argument, even when the person on the other side of the argument is being a little cunt.
Gary Johnson made one critical mistake in assuming that he could have a rational discussion about a serious topic in drug legalization with a room and a country full of cunts. What angers and infuriates me more than anything is this: how many of us have used drugs and survived the experience? How many of us really weren't that affected? How many of us are living proof that drugs don't ruin your life or turn you into a violent psychopath? And how many of us refuse to take a principled stand on this issue and tell the prohibitionists that they are fucking wrong? How many of us enable these cocksuckers, these fucktards of the morning dew dancing through our lives with their drivel, these total goddamned cunts, to continue driving and dominating the narrative on this topic with our cowardice and our silence?
How many of us would have been raped in jail had we been caught, charged, tried, and imprisoned? Were our actions so terrible that they merited such punishment?
Gary Johnson is a fucking hero, a goddamned American through and through, and a man who fucking counted the cost and stood his fucking ground. Stack his record as governor of New Mexico alongside the record of Mitt Romney as governor of Massachusetts. There is no goddamned comparison. Gary Johnson stomps Mitt Romney's patrician ass on liberty, on fiscal responsibility, on taxes, all of it.
And don't even bother comparing their record on business, because Gary Johnson actually built a company from the ground up and didn't use it to leverage loans so that he could line his own goddamned pockets with a dividend payout while leaving his lenders holding the bag. Gary Johnson managed a company. You know, he did something other than put a little money up to buy an existing company and load it with debt to generate a huge payout for himself and his partners...he actually fucking ran the company to generate a profit from its actual goddamned operations. Imagine that shit.
You don't even have to bother with an Obama comparison, because it's pointless. Barack Obama is a shitty president who added record deficits to an already exploded national debt. He has failed on every front, on his promises, and his achievements thus far will only worsen the issues they purport to resolve.
The only reason Gary Johnson can't win is because Americans don't have the balls to stand up and say what's what. I smoked weed, my neighbors have smoked weed, my dad smoked weed, and most of the people I know have smoked weed. We didn't deserve to be thrown in jail for that shit, and we didn't deserve to be incarcerated with sexual sadists who rape their cellmates. The fact that we smoked pot or that we still smoke pot doesn't make us less as people. It doesn't make us violent criminals with a disregard for morality. The average American commits multiple federal felonies a day without realizing because our lives are buried in regulation and prohibitions. Saying that someone who smoked pot is a criminal is like saying that the average American who breaks the ridiculous litany of laws is a sociopathic criminal with no regard for the law he routinely breaks on a daily basis. It's fucking asinine.
Americans need to start acting like fucking Americans and throwing this fear of the unknown to the goddamned wind, and the first place they can start is by rejecting this notion that Mitt Romney is the only motherfucker who can have a chance of beating Obama. The only reason that's true is because America is becoming a nation of goddamned pussies. I guess we should have tried to negotiate with Hitler to pay fucking tribute instead of kicking his genocidal psychopathic ass all over Europe and North Africa while simultaneously shoving Hirohito's balls down his throat and seeing to it that Mussolini would end up hanging from a goddamned lamp post. America, man the fuck up.
Nowhere is it written that the path to less tyranny runs through the Republican Party's nominee, but here in this Ragehammer it is written that the best possible path towards a liberty restoring, fiscally sane presidency lies in electing Gary Johnson to the White House. Less tyranny? Are you fucking shitting me? Is that what we're going to fucking settle for in America? The lesser of two goddamned insipid evils with similar records of governing?
This is America, and my 24 mile to the gallon Mercury Grand Marquis named Roscoe P. Coltrane is gold, and my Big Gulp is 64 oz., my Camel Wides are goddamned delicious when I indulge them, and my fucking cheeseburger is flame broiled. I fear no towel headed fuck living in a cave on the other side of the world, because I live with indoor plumbing and two dogs who would make him piss in fear and defecate over his neurotic cultural hangups on the cleanliness of canines. God made me with two feet to stand before men, and two knees to kneel before Him alone. Shit goddamn, I'm a man, and an American one at that.
I carry the fire of my ex-Marine dad, and his father before him who fought in two World Wars. I believe that it is my responsibility to make the rent and pay my way. I believe in my own choices, and in consequences for those choices as incentives and deterrents. I bear the Ragehammer® and use it towards anyone who tries to encroach on my liberty in the name of security. I do not believe in false choices as anything other than the enabler of charlatans, tyrants, and the comfort of cowards and pussies. I apologize for nothing, because apologies are for those who regret or those who are guilty, and I am neither.
I believe that those copper robes on the Statute of Liberty once concealed a pair of giant brass balls, and I think it's time that we restore them. For eighty fucking years, we've had solutions to our problems that only made our problems worse. Americans can't afford healthcare because of insurance, and a lot of us can't afford to retire because our savings and retirements were decimated by inflation and executive wrongdoing while those same assholes sold their shares as we were locked out of our 401(k)s, and what they did was legal. It wasn't right, but it was goddamned legal.
It is long established principle of our fucking jurisprudence that the law does not exist to sustain absurd results. It is beyond goddamned time to start identifying the laws that sustain absurd results and deracinating them, by a moral refusal to enforce those laws and a resolute determination to provide recompense for those who were ruined by those laws. Gary Johnson wants to begin with our drug laws, and I think it's a fine fucking place to start. America, Johnson 2012, and kiss my white Irish ass and suck my Ragehammer® if you have have problem with it.