Lerner joins other U.S. government employees on paid leave, such as Major Nidal Hasan, the Fort Hood shooter, who continues to draw a $6,000 monthly paycheck from the U.S. Army as he awaits trial for massacring Army personnel at Fort Hood. Auspicious company, indeed, Lois! Lerners is receiving her $180,000 a year salary while on administrative leave.
So far, it's being reported that Hasan has received $278,000 in salary while incarcerated for the 2009 shootings at Fort Hood, while his victims are fighting to receive benefits due to the Army's refusal to classify the shooting as a terrorist attack. Instead, the Army has classified the shootings as workplace violence, even though the shooter in question was in contact with Al Qaeda before the shooting.
So, if you target groups for exercising their right to free speech, or shoot a bunch of your fellow soldiers on base after communicating with a terrorist group, you get to continue drawing a paycheck. There's no doubt as to the guilt of Major Nidal Hasan, who was shot and paralyzed while shooting up Fort Hood. As for Lois Lerner, she exercised her Fifth Amendment right against self-incrimination after planting a question in order to enable her to reveal the targeting of 501(c)(4) conservative groups.
After John McCain snuck off to Syria to visit with the Syrian terrorists, er, rebels, his good buddy Lindsey Graham tweeted dibs on McCain's office should McCain fail to make it back from Syria. We can only hope.
Speaking of soon-to-be unoccupied offices, Representative Michelle Bachmann released a porn tape of her narcissism in order to release the news that she wouldn't be running for a fifth term in Congress. It's all there: the soft lighting, the shiny blouse, the coiffed hair, the pearl necklace, and the repeated use of her favorite pronoun "I" in every other sentence (she's cut down a bit). Bachmann spoke over a twangy electric guitar as she spoke the word I again and again. Bachmann believes that our entire economic structure is at risk of destruction, and her decision to run initially was based on her heartfelt concern for the country's future, but her future is full and limitless.
Here's the video, replete with her typical barbs directed at the mainstream media:
Oh, and, uh, in case you were wondering, her decision to resign has nothing to do with the ethics investigation related to her presidential campaign, and the fact that two of her former staffers have agreed to testify against her in the Iowa ethics investigation into allegations that her campaign paid a state senator, used money to promote her book, and possibly stole a homeschool organization's mailing list. The Iowa investigation is one of a triad of investigations that also includes investigations by the Office of Congressional Ethics and the Federal Election Commission.
Chairman Darrell Issa continues to focus on his Oversight Committee's investigation of Benghazi talking points. He does so because it's important to know about changed words in memos rather than weapons transfers to al-Qaeda, and he's on the job and doing the duty to perform a bipartisan sleight of hand that obscures as much as it reveals. No, people, don't focus on the fact that your government is arming jihadists via weapons transfers from Qatar to Libya to Syria or Qatar to Syria; focus instead on the fact that someone changed talking points on the Benghazi consulate attack. Chairman Issa has issued more subpoenas for the State Department to ignore, so you can look for documents to be released five days before the State Department turns them over to the House Oversight Committee.
In the meantime, Issa and Cummings are appearing together on karaoke nights in D.C. to sing a duet rendition of "If I Had a Hammer" and they're joined by Lois Lerner for her performance of "Smooth Criminal."
Karl Rove is back in the news with his RNC contract to build a voter contact database, because his electronic outreach in 2012 was such a success. Wait. Rove has partnered up with former J. Crew CEO Dick Boyce to start the Turd Blossom and Dick Show, and they've taken their act on the road to Silicon Valley in order to recruit people who actually know how to build a voter contact database. Their company, Liberty Works, has managed to stir up more concern than completed work, and it is now outsourcing the voter data platform to a company named Originate.
Really, how could hiring the former protege of Watergate ratfucker Donald Segretti go so wrong? I guess it's time for the RNC to close ranks and strike a blow for traditional values by financing a $2,000 trip to the lesbian bondage club.
In other news, Ben Shapiro had the burn of the month at Anthony Weiner's expense when Weiner told a child that she didn't need to go into television reporting, because the Internet is where it's at. That's so Weiner, referencing the Internet in an unintentionally funny way. What a great idea for a Tumblr. Somebody should get on that.
And in closing, we revisit Turd Blossom, because the nation's public pools are apparently contaminated with fecal matter. The CDC found that 59% of public pools have fecal contamination, which means you're swimming in poop if you're in Atlanta, where the 161 pools surveyed were located. The CDC's answer? Simple enough: don't swallow the water, people.
Well, folks, that's the Roundup for today, and it's getting stupider and stupider as we go along.